1,283 notes | 3 days ago | reblog
228,604 notes | 4 days ago | reblog

centaurs-other-testicle:

japert:

Friends with mean and overprotective parents

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when they are so overprotective you guys can hardly hang out

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Being the friend with overprotective parents

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172,721 notes | 4 days ago | reblog

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

735,750 notes | 5 days ago | reblog
108,741 notes | 5 days ago | reblog
tastefullyoffensive:

The 4 Stages of Pizza Bargaining [pantwizard]
12,087 notes | 6 days ago | reblog
173,363 notes | 6 days ago | reblog

hippiebabysitterr:

today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”

to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older

they were going to get fakes to buy fish

278,729 notes | 1 week ago | reblog
88,468 notes | 1 week ago | reblog

omfgsid:

My 4 year old brother told me he was scared to grow up and cried for like 10 minutes straight

finally I asked why he was so scared

and he said he was scared of drinking coffee

coffee

212,187 notes | 1 week ago | reblog
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